This week we are presenting some humorous items on the ever present issue of aging. And while we still find ourselves chuckling at these, we tend to think they were a whole lot funnier 20 years ago.
No one I know …
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving for about 40 minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up for a single minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."
An elderly gentleman ...
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 percent.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
Hospital discharge ...
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”
Remember to write it down ...
A couple in their 90s are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically OK, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
“Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?”he asks.
“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asks.
“No, I can remember it.”
“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so’s not to forget it?”
He says, “I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”
“I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?”she asks.
Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I got it, for goodness sake!”
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment.
“Where’s my toast?“
The marriage ...
A senior citizen said to his 80-year-old buddy: “So I hear you’re getting married?”
“Yep!”
“Do I know her?”
“Nope!”
“This woman, is she good looking?”
“Not really.”
“Is she a good cook?”
“Naw, she can’t cook too well.”
“Does she have lots of money?”
“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”
“Well, then, is she good in bed?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why in the world do you want to marry her then?”
“Because she can still drive!”
How’s that again ...
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”
Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!”
Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”
***
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4,000, but it’s state-of-the-art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”
***
Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Morris replied, “Just doing what you said Doc: Get a hot mamma and be cheerful”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that.” I said, “You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.”
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