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June 14, 2012

LOCAL VOICES FROM AROUND THE GLOBE: This year has given me a gift

BY ANNA SAMS

The clock is tick, tick, ticking as it has been for all 19 years, 103 days and 39 minutes of my life, but I’ve never pushed so hard against the relentless hands as I am right now.

The feeling is something indescribable, something my own brain has difficulty  sorting out. Now, when I tryto think about the past year, I can honestly say that my mind is drawing a blank. But yet it is the most overwhelming and meaningful blank my mind has ever drawn.

One year. It’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. But for once, the grand scheme doesn’t matter. For now, it’s only my scheme that’s on the table, and for me, one year is everything. Trying to illustrate my experiences of my time in Denmark in words would be impossible, and I’m sure that every exchange student in the world would agree with me on that.

But there’s something special about that; because it can’t be expressed through words or gestures or what have you, it becomes a deeply personal concept, that lives only within me and in my memories. Try as I might to share the experiences and emotions that have characterized this year, I will never be able to communicate it on a level that does justice to what I feel in my head and in my heart.

The memories of happiness and of pain, of joy and of love, bring a smile to my face and a tear rolling down my cheek. I’ve grown so much this year, from a giddy and excited high schooler, fascinated with the world behind closed doors, to a wiser and stronger person who found a way to pick the lock.

After a year in Denmark, I gained more than just better taste in music and fashion. This year has given me a gift, the kind that never wears or goes out of style. This gift I’ve received is the confidence to get where I want to go in my life.

Before exchange, I couldn’t help feeling like a pawn in someone else’s game. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great life, but I still felt as though I was stuck on a conveyer belt that would carry me all the way to my death bed. And the scariest part was, I had no idea how to get off.

Or maybe I did know, but I was just too afraid. The road to independence is long and tiring, as trying as it is rewarding. It started with a crawl, in my rough first months in Denmark, longing to go back to what I knew, a sort of withdrawal.

Then came the first staggering steps, trying to hold footing on unstable ground as my new life continued to knock me down with blows from every direction. Soon after followed a period of calm, a leisurely stroll in the springtime air, where everything fell into place in a separate peace.

And now, as my time here is drawing to a close, I’ve begun to run. My feet are carrying me faster than I knew I could move, toward an unsure destination, but the uncertainty isn’t what matters here.

What matters is that the destination is truly my own, and that I am finally free, and I owe it all to Denmark.

No matter how difficult things get, I know I’ll always have that wind at my back.

To those of you who have been following my columns throughout the year, or even those who are just tuning in now, I want to thank you for your support.

Though exchange is a journey of self-discovery, no one would ever make it through completely alone. I want to give a shout-out of support to every current and past exchange student out in the big, wide world, because until now, I could never appreciate them for the strong and incredible people they are for surviving a crazy year like this.

And to all of the aspiring students out there, may you have the best of luck, and I hope with all my heart that your experiences are just as eye-opening as mine, or even better.

A lot can happen in a year, and through the tears and smiles, laughs and cries, I know I’ll never be the same. As I’m readying myself for the return home, I can only imagine what awaits in store at the turn of the page.

Thank you again to my family and hometown for all their support!

ANNA SAMS returns to Cooperstown on June 16.

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