Although we tend to think Christmas is for children and thus rarely think about what we might like to have, this year we have decided to let Santa know what might be left under the tree with our name on it. Of course, we fully understand if our list is a bit long, a bit expensive and a bitlate. However, we have just finished reading our November issue of Health and so have just realized what we need that we do not currently have.
We hasten to point out that our needs are detailed quite well in an article titled “10 Gadgets Every Woman Should Have,” and written by Judy Dutton. In fact we could not imagine our luck at having everything so nicely presented for our preparation of a list for Mr. Claus.
The first item on our list is a body composition scale. We must admit we had never heard of such a thing, but it does seem far superior to a conventional scale in that it can calculate one’s fat-toweight ratio. Who knew? And for that matter, who wanted to know? Of course we do find it somewhat creepy that it calculates this ratio by sending a small, yet evidently safe, electrical current through one’s legs. Naturally, being current like this does not come cheaply as the best overall such scale retails for $200.
The second item on the list is a heart rate monitor which is described as a must-have item as it is “... the most reliable method to ensure you’re hitting your target heart rate when exercising ...” We, of course, just thought we were doing well to be exercising without worrying about our heart rate, unless it ground to a halt or something. The best overall heart rate monitor will add another $70 to the tab.
The third must-have item is a humidifier. Now we must admit, having spent the entire summer running two dehumidifiers, having a humidifier seems counter productive. But we are assured it is necessary as it would be our “... secret weapon against sickness.” So we add another $180 to Santa’s tab.
Also suggested to combat pesky germs is the fourth item, a touchless soap dispenser. Now we have long thought that the pump hand soap dispenser was above and beyond the lowly bar of soap. However, we now know that the pump soap dispenser has to go, as it, along with a bar of soap, is little more than a breeding ground for bacteria. Fortunately, it only adds $40 to the bill.
As it turns out, we already own item No. 5, an electric toothbrush. However, since it did not cost $220 we suspect it is simply not doing the job when it comes to fighting gum disease, which has evidently been linked to a higher risk of heart attack, stroke and miscarriage, the last of which we are not particularly concerned about at this point in our life. Nonetheless, we suspect it is time for an upgrade.
The next item on the list is something we have never even heard of, namely an ultraviolet disinfectant wand. Little did we know that such a device can kill up to 99.9 percent of bacteria and viruses. Of course, with our luck that last 0.1 percent will get us. However, we add another $70 to the shopping basket.
Item number seven is an air purifier. We have noted that having an air purifier is “...key to your respiratory health.”
And, since we suffer with both allergies and asthma we really can’t understand why we do not already have one. Perhaps it is the $489 price tag that has held us back. Yet not having one can lead to “....upper and lower respiratory rhinitis, asthma, bronchitis, headaches and more complex problems like idiopathic environmental intolerance...” It definitely has to be on the list.
The eighth item is a vacuum with HEPA filter. We believe we already have such a vacuum, however, we think it is not very successful as we tend to not use it much. However, we are quite certain that if wehad a brand spanking new vacuum we would be more motivated to put it to use on a regular basis. And besides, in the scheme of things, what is another $230?
Although we suspect we do not really need item No. 9, a sleep machine, the article has convinced us we may not actually know what we need.
The argument made is quite compelling, namely “Sleep has a massive impact on your overall health, with chronic sleep loss potentially leading to weight gain, hypertension, compromised immune function, and a host of other problems...” We actually do not think we have trouble sleeping, although we must admit that we really don’t know because we are always asleep when we are sleeping. But we do suppose we cannot be too careful, so we are adding another $130 to the list.
And finally, the last item we absolutely must have is a water purifier. Until now we have left this monumental task to the village. However, we have been lead to understand that, “Over 300 pollutants are lurking in your tap water, according to the Environmental Working Group.”
Further explanation is given by Dr. Roizen who points out that when you bathe, “... the chlorine in the water gets converted by chemicals on your skin to a chorine that you breathe in, which is a carcinogen ...” Yikes, the whole house purifying system, which is recommended for people with small children or lead in the water, comes in at $1,500. But we have to have it, if not for us, for the Widge.
We do hope that Santa realizes that we will not be overly disappointed if we do not receive everything on our list as it is not only long, but also expensive coming to a whopping total of $3,129. for everything. In fact, we suspect we will be more than happy to just get the usual orange in the stocking, as long as he doesn’t also leave the proverbial lump of coal. After all, we think we have been very good this year.
PLEASE NOTE: Comments regarding this column may be made by mail at 105 Pioneer Street, Cooperstown, NY 13326, by telephone at 607-547-8124 or by e-mail at cellsworth1@stny.rr.com.
Columns
In These Otsego Hills: Dear Santa ...
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In These Otsego Hills: Continuing on from 1986 ...
We continue this week by answering the question we asked if anyone remembers the old Cooperstown National Bank? On May 13, we wrote: “Martha Dickison, Delaware Street, called to tell us about the Cooperstown National Bank where she worked at her first ‘real job’ after her graduation from school.
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Up On Hawthorn Hill: Spring inventions
The second line of Lawrence Durrell’s novel “Justine” reads as follows: “In the midst of winter you can feel the inventions of Spring.” I first read all four novels of his magnificent Alexandria Quartet during the year I traveled from Saigon to Paris after working in Vietnam for a refugee organization for several years.
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From Fly Creek: Revving up for spring
Time to bring you up to date on Fly Creek’s happy clambering into Spring. First, the eatery scene. “Is Jerry’s open yet?” The answer is, “Oh, yes!” The porches are freshly stained; the lawns a uniform green, and the hop vines are already climbing the posts on the covered side deck. Blue and I went up there to lunch earlier this week, and I celebrated spring with my traditional bacon, onion and Swiss cheese hamburger. We two sat on the deck, enjoying the broad view and some spectacular clouds marching across, up toward Schuyler Lake.
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In These Otsego Hills: More from 1986 ...
This week we continue with the discussion of telephone service from the pre-dial days. On March 12 we noted that: “No one has yet produced a telephone directory from pre-dial days, but Doug Preston of New Hartford recalls that some business (which one?) in the village had the phone number 7.”
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Home Notes: Celebrations abound at the Thanksgiving Home
April was a month of celebrations and much to appreciate. We had a 90th birthday celebration for Wanda Noyes on April 4 including her family and friends. Personal care staff Dee Bouck worked with residents to hand paint Easter eggs for the tree in the activity room.
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In These Otsego Hills: 1986 continues ...
This week we continue our journey through the columns of 1986 with the answer to the question “for whom, according to tradition, was Hannah’s Hill named?”
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Book Notes: Baseball book features local contributors
Baseball is part of the nation’s fabric. Most kids have a memory of the game either from playing Little League, attending a major league contest or meeting a favorite player. In Cooperstown that feeling is magnified since we are the official home of baseball. We get to see firsthand what has made the sport the national pastime.
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From Fly Creek: Ya really wanna know?
SETTING: Fly Creek General Store. CAST: Assorted seated geezers, drinking coffee. [Door opens, enter heavy-set geezer; walking slowly with wide stance, maybe prostatitis.]
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In These Otsego Hills: Returning to 1986 ...
For the past several years now we have undertaken sharing some of the area’s oral history we have collected over the years that we have written this column. Therefore, this year, we would like to go back to 1986 to share that rather unusual year. Those who were here then no doubt remember that it was that year that the village celebrated the bicentennial of its founding.
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From Fly Creek: For reasons unknowable
[Jim’s reached back to 2002 to share one of his favorite columns.] My father was born as the last century began into a river village in tidewater Maryland. He told me once of a man there in his boyhood who, like so many, made a thin living tonging for oysters in the cold months and, in the hot and humid ones, crabbing and raising vegetables.
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In These Otsego Hills: CCS balancing act ... side two
Last week we shared a number of activities in which students at CCS can participate. We thought it was an impressive, if not overwhelming, list. And we are indeed pleased that the young people of our area have these opportunities. However, we think it is also important to keep in mind that these undertakings do have a cost associated with them. They are not free. In fact there are, no doubt, those who would say they do not come cheap.
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From Fly Creek: A graceful crowd
Make of this what you will, friends. I feel I’m really meant to share it with you. Despite good medication for my Parkinsonism, every four or five weeks I can sensethe symptoms building up on me, giving me more than ordinary trouble. Lately it’s been falls, and last week brought a typical one. I’d gone out to get the paper, moving along with penguin steps on the snowcoved ice patches, and usingmy spike-tipped cane the waya climber uses an ice axe. But circumstances overcame me. Parkinson’s wipes out the possibility of multi-tasking.
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In These Otsego Hills: This and that and the other side ...
We note that the CCS Class of 2012 is presenting its senior class play, “Snow White” by Tim Kelly, this week with performances 7:30 p.m Thursday and Friday, March 29 and 30, and at 11 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. Saturday, March 31. All performances will be at the Nicolas J. Sterling Auditorium at the Middle/High School.
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In These Otsego Hills: That green thing ...
Of late we have noticed that our email inbox has been much busier than usual. In fact, we find ourselves hard pressed to keep up with all the various messages we receive. As a result we suspect we have not answered some in as timely a fashion as might be thought appropriate.
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From Fly Creek: What you need to know
In their last Sunday’s bulletins, all 84 churches of Otsego County were to have carried announcements of an important meeting; most of them did. But because the announcement is so important, and not just to the churched, here it is again.
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Book Notes: Living the magic of ‘Hoosier’
A lot of people consider “Hoosiers” the best sports film of all time. The 1986 classic follows the exploits of a fictional small town Indiana high school basketball team in 1952 as it attempts to achieve the impossible dream of a state championship. The story is inspired by the true life achievement of the 1954 Milan team, who with an enrollment of only 161 students shocked big city power Muncie Central on a last second shot to win the state title. It’s the kind of sports story that represents something that is hard to grasp unless you live in a small town.
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In These Otsego Hills: The most perfect village... home to heavy industry?
We suspect we would get a whole lot more accomplished if we spent less time thinking, pondering and musing about things. In fact, there is a good possibility we might actually have completed our goal of cleaning the basement if we only focused on the task at hand, instead of trying to figure out the world around us. It almost makes us wonder if it is possible to think too much about things. We certainly hope not because should that be the case, we are in deep trouble.
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Up On Hawthorn Hill: The past in the present
Clichés abound about the value of photographs. Most are probably true at least to a certain extent. What I do know about an image is that it represents something of the past that is not the pastitself. But that is the power of any image. It represents something that once was. The beauty of an image, revisited, is that it functions as a catalystfor reliving in the present a past experience. My own view, one that I thank the Spanish writer Jorge Luis Borges for, is that all we ever can experience is the present.
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Home Notes: Workshops held for Thanksgiving Home residents
We welcomed Linda Keller, Ph.D. of the Bassett Research Institute and Ida Baker of NYCAMH who presented a six-week workshop for residents and staff.
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From Fly Creek: Late-winter hamlet news
Well, at least I’m “guessing” it’s late winter now — in the winter that wasn’t. But, if not snow, I can provide a flurry of Fly Creek news to share with you, scooping Associated Press, Reuter’s, and United Press International, not to mention all local news services except our General Store.
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In These Otsego Hills: Continuing on from 1986 ...
