If popular culture is any
indication, it seems women
suffer from an epidemic inability
to refuse additional
responsibilities. Magazines,
self-help books and therapists
nationwide offer heaps
of advice on how to assert
oneself, draw boundaries
and generally say No when
asked to sign on for those
things for which we have
little time and less interest.
We’re urged to stop putting
our own needs last and remember
that taking time
for ourselves is a necessity,
not an act of selfishness.
Me? I’ve never had that
problem. When asked to
take on something that
sounds like a time-consuming
bore (cooking daily
meals, for example), I have
no problem begging off.
Just ask my husband — the
one with the culinary talent
and the weekly meal
plans to prove it.
So you’d think I would
have a lot of Me Time —
hours and hours to kick
back, read gossip magazines
and figure out exactly
how to apply Oprah’s vast
and infallible wisdom to my
daily existence.
You’d be wrong.
Although I have no trouble
saying No to other people,
I have yet to be able to
be so assertive with myself,
which means that I perpetually
(joyfully, excitedly)
invite far more activity into
my days than there are
hours to accommodate it.
Do I want to meet with
friends every week for knitting
and conversation? Yes.
Do I want to volunteer
for one thing or another at
my daughters’ schools? Absolutely.
Can I help a friend of a
friend’s daughter who
wants to learn more about
creative writing? You betcha.
You need help putting
out a monthly newsletter to
help your organization stay
in touch with donors?
Oooooh - me, me, me - I
know how to do that.
A puppy who needs to be
house-trained and taught
to behave? I love puppies;
I’m sure I’ll find the time
somewhere.
You know what I’ve always
wanted to do? Grow a
massive organic garden.
Sign me up.
And these two pigs we
have in the back field will
be gone by next month.
Time to start thinking
about new baby animals for
next spring. Maybe dairy
and fiber goats. We’ll make
our own cheese and I’ll
learn to spin mohair. But
first we’ll have to build our
own barn and expand the
fencing.
There’s no way that will
get in the way of my schedule
of growing my new business
and taking a half-time
load of writing-intensive
college classes.
And it will leave plenty
of time for being a parent
and a wife and a person
who wants to live in a house
that is not in danger of
health department condemnation.
These are not chores or
burdens. They’re passions
and delights.
And the notion that I
should be forced to choose
between them, limit them
or outright reject them is
unfair in the extreme.
Back in January, I decided
to focus this year’s
columns on attempts to live
more mindfully. Incredibly,
I don’t think I’m on anyone’s
short list for Bodhisattva
of the Year Award.
It’s a process. And for some
of us the process toward
more mindfulness is longer
than for others.
What I have learned is
that I am not good at saying
no to myself. Not only
do I want to have lots of experiences,
but I want to
pursue each and every one
of them as though that were
my only pursuit.
It’s not sustainable.
So I am going to learn to
apply my editor’s discipline
to my artist’s joie de vivre. I
will say yes to things that
make me happy. But I will
say yes to fewer of them.
One of the things to
which I am sadly, painfully
saying No is this very column.
I have written a
weekly column in one form
or another for various publications
for some 16 years
now. I’m not sure I know
how to not do it. But in my
effort to edit my commitments,
I must make the difficult
decision to take an
indefinite hiatus from this
column.
However, I plan to still
maintain my blog at www.
moremindfulfamily.wordpress.
com, so please go online
and have a look. You
can even sign up to get new
entries in your e-mail box
or RSS reader.
I hope you’ll find me
there, where we can go beyond
just reading and writing
and engage in conversation.
I can promise to show
up when I have something
good to share.
In the meantime, I’ll be
celebrating this Thanksgiving
with an abundance of
gratitude for all of you who
have shared a few weekly
moments with me.
Elizabeth Trever Buchinger
is so glad we had this
time together. You can continue
this conversation at
www.moremindfulfamily.
wordpress.com.
Columns
This Wonderful Life: I can say No, but I prefer Yes
- Columns
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From Fly Creek: Revving up for spring
Time to bring you up to date on Fly Creek’s happy clambering into Spring. First, the eatery scene. “Is Jerry’s open yet?” The answer is, “Oh, yes!” The porches are freshly stained; the lawns a uniform green, and the hop vines are already climbing the posts on the covered side deck. Blue and I went up there to lunch earlier this week, and I celebrated spring with my traditional bacon, onion and Swiss cheese hamburger. We two sat on the deck, enjoying the broad view and some spectacular clouds marching across, up toward Schuyler Lake.
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: More from 1986 ...
This week we continue with the discussion of telephone service from the pre-dial days. On March 12 we noted that: “No one has yet produced a telephone directory from pre-dial days, but Doug Preston of New Hartford recalls that some business (which one?) in the village had the phone number 7.”
Continued ... -
Home Notes: Celebrations abound at the Thanksgiving Home
April was a month of celebrations and much to appreciate. We had a 90th birthday celebration for Wanda Noyes on April 4 including her family and friends. Personal care staff Dee Bouck worked with residents to hand paint Easter eggs for the tree in the activity room.
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: 1986 continues ...
This week we continue our journey through the columns of 1986 with the answer to the question “for whom, according to tradition, was Hannah’s Hill named?”
Continued ... -
Book Notes: Baseball book features local contributors
Baseball is part of the nation’s fabric. Most kids have a memory of the game either from playing Little League, attending a major league contest or meeting a favorite player. In Cooperstown that feeling is magnified since we are the official home of baseball. We get to see firsthand what has made the sport the national pastime.
Continued ... -
From Fly Creek: Ya really wanna know?
SETTING: Fly Creek General Store. CAST: Assorted seated geezers, drinking coffee. [Door opens, enter heavy-set geezer; walking slowly with wide stance, maybe prostatitis.]
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: Returning to 1986 ...
For the past several years now we have undertaken sharing some of the area’s oral history we have collected over the years that we have written this column. Therefore, this year, we would like to go back to 1986 to share that rather unusual year. Those who were here then no doubt remember that it was that year that the village celebrated the bicentennial of its founding.
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From Fly Creek: For reasons unknowable
[Jim’s reached back to 2002 to share one of his favorite columns.] My father was born as the last century began into a river village in tidewater Maryland. He told me once of a man there in his boyhood who, like so many, made a thin living tonging for oysters in the cold months and, in the hot and humid ones, crabbing and raising vegetables.
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: CCS balancing act ... side two
Last week we shared a number of activities in which students at CCS can participate. We thought it was an impressive, if not overwhelming, list. And we are indeed pleased that the young people of our area have these opportunities. However, we think it is also important to keep in mind that these undertakings do have a cost associated with them. They are not free. In fact there are, no doubt, those who would say they do not come cheap.
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From Fly Creek: A graceful crowd
Make of this what you will, friends. I feel I’m really meant to share it with you. Despite good medication for my Parkinsonism, every four or five weeks I can sensethe symptoms building up on me, giving me more than ordinary trouble. Lately it’s been falls, and last week brought a typical one. I’d gone out to get the paper, moving along with penguin steps on the snowcoved ice patches, and usingmy spike-tipped cane the waya climber uses an ice axe. But circumstances overcame me. Parkinson’s wipes out the possibility of multi-tasking.
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: This and that and the other side ...
We note that the CCS Class of 2012 is presenting its senior class play, “Snow White” by Tim Kelly, this week with performances 7:30 p.m Thursday and Friday, March 29 and 30, and at 11 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. Saturday, March 31. All performances will be at the Nicolas J. Sterling Auditorium at the Middle/High School.
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In These Otsego Hills: That green thing ...
Of late we have noticed that our email inbox has been much busier than usual. In fact, we find ourselves hard pressed to keep up with all the various messages we receive. As a result we suspect we have not answered some in as timely a fashion as might be thought appropriate.
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From Fly Creek: What you need to know
In their last Sunday’s bulletins, all 84 churches of Otsego County were to have carried announcements of an important meeting; most of them did. But because the announcement is so important, and not just to the churched, here it is again.
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Book Notes: Living the magic of ‘Hoosier’
A lot of people consider “Hoosiers” the best sports film of all time. The 1986 classic follows the exploits of a fictional small town Indiana high school basketball team in 1952 as it attempts to achieve the impossible dream of a state championship. The story is inspired by the true life achievement of the 1954 Milan team, who with an enrollment of only 161 students shocked big city power Muncie Central on a last second shot to win the state title. It’s the kind of sports story that represents something that is hard to grasp unless you live in a small town.
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In These Otsego Hills: The most perfect village... home to heavy industry?
We suspect we would get a whole lot more accomplished if we spent less time thinking, pondering and musing about things. In fact, there is a good possibility we might actually have completed our goal of cleaning the basement if we only focused on the task at hand, instead of trying to figure out the world around us. It almost makes us wonder if it is possible to think too much about things. We certainly hope not because should that be the case, we are in deep trouble.
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Up On Hawthorn Hill: The past in the present
Clichés abound about the value of photographs. Most are probably true at least to a certain extent. What I do know about an image is that it represents something of the past that is not the pastitself. But that is the power of any image. It represents something that once was. The beauty of an image, revisited, is that it functions as a catalystfor reliving in the present a past experience. My own view, one that I thank the Spanish writer Jorge Luis Borges for, is that all we ever can experience is the present.
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Home Notes: Workshops held for Thanksgiving Home residents
We welcomed Linda Keller, Ph.D. of the Bassett Research Institute and Ida Baker of NYCAMH who presented a six-week workshop for residents and staff.
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From Fly Creek: Late-winter hamlet news
Well, at least I’m “guessing” it’s late winter now — in the winter that wasn’t. But, if not snow, I can provide a flurry of Fly Creek news to share with you, scooping Associated Press, Reuter’s, and United Press International, not to mention all local news services except our General Store.
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In These Otsego Hills: Waiting for spring to have sprung ...
Difficult as it to believe, both January and February seem to have flown by and we find ourselves turning the calendar over to the month of March, which we have long thought is one of the more dreary months of the year. Of course, as in the pastthere are signs of spring as reflected by the tapping of the maple trees. For many years, the trees sprouted buckets to capture their all important sap. However, we now know to look for the sap collection lines that are strung from tree to tree.
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Book Notes: Kennedy: a unique individual
It’s been almost 50 years since the Kennedy assassination shocked the nation. Since then much has been written about President John F. Kennedy and whether he would have achieved his destiny (whatever that may have been) if he had lived. It is said he inspired young people in a way that has never been equaled. And there is the notion of Camelot, espoused by his widow Jackie, that there will never be a time of hope and promise like that again.
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From Fly Creek: Revving up for spring
