If popular culture is any
indication, it seems women
suffer from an epidemic inability
to refuse additional
responsibilities. Magazines,
self-help books and therapists
nationwide offer heaps
of advice on how to assert
oneself, draw boundaries
and generally say No when
asked to sign on for those
things for which we have
little time and less interest.
We’re urged to stop putting
our own needs last and remember
that taking time
for ourselves is a necessity,
not an act of selfishness.
Me? I’ve never had that
problem. When asked to
take on something that
sounds like a time-consuming
bore (cooking daily
meals, for example), I have
no problem begging off.
Just ask my husband — the
one with the culinary talent
and the weekly meal
plans to prove it.
So you’d think I would
have a lot of Me Time —
hours and hours to kick
back, read gossip magazines
and figure out exactly
how to apply Oprah’s vast
and infallible wisdom to my
daily existence.
You’d be wrong.
Although I have no trouble
saying No to other people,
I have yet to be able to
be so assertive with myself,
which means that I perpetually
(joyfully, excitedly)
invite far more activity into
my days than there are
hours to accommodate it.
Do I want to meet with
friends every week for knitting
and conversation? Yes.
Do I want to volunteer
for one thing or another at
my daughters’ schools? Absolutely.
Can I help a friend of a
friend’s daughter who
wants to learn more about
creative writing? You betcha.
You need help putting
out a monthly newsletter to
help your organization stay
in touch with donors?
Oooooh - me, me, me - I
know how to do that.
A puppy who needs to be
house-trained and taught
to behave? I love puppies;
I’m sure I’ll find the time
somewhere.
You know what I’ve always
wanted to do? Grow a
massive organic garden.
Sign me up.
And these two pigs we
have in the back field will
be gone by next month.
Time to start thinking
about new baby animals for
next spring. Maybe dairy
and fiber goats. We’ll make
our own cheese and I’ll
learn to spin mohair. But
first we’ll have to build our
own barn and expand the
fencing.
There’s no way that will
get in the way of my schedule
of growing my new business
and taking a half-time
load of writing-intensive
college classes.
And it will leave plenty
of time for being a parent
and a wife and a person
who wants to live in a house
that is not in danger of
health department condemnation.
These are not chores or
burdens. They’re passions
and delights.
And the notion that I
should be forced to choose
between them, limit them
or outright reject them is
unfair in the extreme.
Back in January, I decided
to focus this year’s
columns on attempts to live
more mindfully. Incredibly,
I don’t think I’m on anyone’s
short list for Bodhisattva
of the Year Award.
It’s a process. And for some
of us the process toward
more mindfulness is longer
than for others.
What I have learned is
that I am not good at saying
no to myself. Not only
do I want to have lots of experiences,
but I want to
pursue each and every one
of them as though that were
my only pursuit.
It’s not sustainable.
So I am going to learn to
apply my editor’s discipline
to my artist’s joie de vivre. I
will say yes to things that
make me happy. But I will
say yes to fewer of them.
One of the things to
which I am sadly, painfully
saying No is this very column.
I have written a
weekly column in one form
or another for various publications
for some 16 years
now. I’m not sure I know
how to not do it. But in my
effort to edit my commitments,
I must make the difficult
decision to take an
indefinite hiatus from this
column.
However, I plan to still
maintain my blog at www.
moremindfulfamily.wordpress.
com, so please go online
and have a look. You
can even sign up to get new
entries in your e-mail box
or RSS reader.
I hope you’ll find me
there, where we can go beyond
just reading and writing
and engage in conversation.
I can promise to show
up when I have something
good to share.
In the meantime, I’ll be
celebrating this Thanksgiving
with an abundance of
gratitude for all of you who
have shared a few weekly
moments with me.
Elizabeth Trever Buchinger
is so glad we had this
time together. You can continue
this conversation at
www.moremindfulfamily.
wordpress.com.
Columns
This Wonderful Life: I can say No, but I prefer Yes
- Columns
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Local Voices From Around the Globe: Mother's visit was a benchmark for this year
Last week, my mother made the 25-hour plane trip out to Thailand to visit her son, me, after nine months of having only choppy Skype sessions and scattered emails to give her an idea of what I look and act like since having left home last August.
Continued ... -
Local Voices From Around the Globe: World traveler calls Euro-Tour experience of a lifetime
While I've had a great time throughout my entire exchange, I can say hands down that the month of April brought me the best memories of my exchange if not some of the best of my entire life. What kind of wonder would bring me to say this? Simple. Euro-Tour.
Continued ... -
Maryland port attacked
Havre de Grace, May 3. "This morning, a little after the break of day, a British armed force, under cover of armed vessels which anchored in front of this town ... landed below a small breast work which had been roughly thrown up, and in which were one 9 and two 4 pounders, manned by 50 militia.
Continued ... -
Memoir reflects on 'roller-coaster life and career'
Apparently, the third time wasn't the charm. The way Reynolds described him, the third husband was worse than the first two combined and that's saying a lot. Eddie Fisher literally walked away from Reynolds and their two infant children to chase a sex goddess. At least he got his just desserts when Elizabeth Taylor tossed him aside for Richard Burton.
Continued ... -
Imagine what might have been ...
A while back we got a telephone call from a reader of this column wanting to know why we had not written a column in support of Otsego Manor continuing to be owned and operated by Otsego County. And even though we have followed the debate over this issue in the newspaper, we readily admitted we did not feel we knew enough about the situation to take a stand.
Continued ... -
Herpes virus brings harness racing to a halt
I've been going to harness horse race tracks my entire life. My family has been in the business for years.
Continued ... -
Time, if not traffic, moves on ...
It is with sadness we note the passing of two people who we have known since moving to Cooperstown in 1982.
Continued ... -
Canadian capital captured
Dear Sir, I have just returned from Fort Niagara, where I saw a Captain of the United States' navy. He is just from little York, the capital of Upper Canada, and gives the following account, which is confirmed in official dispatches from Gen. Dearborn to Gen. Lewis ...
Continued ... -
Local Voices From Around The Globe: Exchange is like a life in a year
All exchange students realize the credibility of this statement. Like all lives no exchange is the same, all are incredible unique exchanges. The metaphor of life, from baby to old age, extends to every part of the exchange.
Continued ... -
Movie depicting legendary Jackie Robinson does not disappoint
Going to the movies is not something I do often. I can count the number of times I have gone on my fingers, unless you include trips to the drive-in. And even so, it took me years before I made it to one of those -- going for the first time two summers ago.
Continued ... -
'Dubious' about weather, Hawkeyes 'suitable' nickname
Unfortunately, it seems to us that this spring has, thus far, been anything but spring like. In fact, we are still more than happy to stay bundled up in our polar fleece.
Continued ... -
'Who's on Worst?' reveals the ugly in baseball
The Baseball Hall of Fame celebrates the greatest players, managers and owners from our national pastime. Any of us who have watched Major League baseball have inevitably seen some of these immortals practicing their craft. But we have also likely witnessed a sample of their opposite brethren, players who shouldn't have been in the Major Leagues. Has there ever been a definitive source that "celebrates" the non-accomplishments of the worst that Major League baseball has to offer?
Continued ... -
Swallow talk and bluebird vigilance
I assume the swallows have returned to Capistrano. They have returned to Hawthorn Hill as well.
Continued ... -
Local Voices From Around the Globe: Life in Hungry has taken a turn for the better
I can truthfully say spring has finally arrived in Hungary. It's almost time to wear shorts and sandals, for summer will be just around the corner. This brings me great happiness and great sadness, my adventure is coming to a close. Really what a time it was, I don't think I can compare it to anything else.
Continued ... -
The importance of speaking up ...
Over the years we have come to understand that, in writing a weekly column, it is not possible to always please everyone. And such was the case with our column that ran at the end of March in which we wrote about our experience as in inpatient following a total hip replacement.
Continued ... -
Public schools created
The Common School Act of 1812 marked the start of New York's public school system. Much of the credit for this was due to the radical Otsego County politician Jedediah Peck (1747-1821). To quote the NY Education Department:
Continued ... -
Book takes readers on path for equal rights
One of the most troubling aspects of our history is race relations. It takes a long time to achieve true equality in a society when the heritage of one ethnic group is slavery and Jim Crow laws. Even today African Americans are more likely to be stereotyped as athletes than doctors, lawyers or entrepreneurs. The path to a "color-blind" nation is still a work in progress.
Continued ... -
Local Voices From Around the Globe: Experiencing India at every new turn
Come, sit down. Hold this and, wait ... ah, there you go. Obeying these commands, I found myself seated on the pavement, wearing a turban and attempting to make sounds out of a recorder-like instrument for the black cobras in the baskets not two feet away from me.
Continued ... -
Local Voices From Around the Globe: Will I be American or will I be Thai today?
When would someone have the ability to present themselves as a native of a country of their own choosing? When they’ve lived eight months as an exchange student, of course!
Continued ... - Second host family makes Hungary feel like home
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Local Voices From Around the Globe: Mother's visit was a benchmark for this year
