If popular culture is any
indication, it seems women
suffer from an epidemic inability
to refuse additional
responsibilities. Magazines,
self-help books and therapists
nationwide offer heaps
of advice on how to assert
oneself, draw boundaries
and generally say No when
asked to sign on for those
things for which we have
little time and less interest.
We’re urged to stop putting
our own needs last and remember
that taking time
for ourselves is a necessity,
not an act of selfishness.
Me? I’ve never had that
problem. When asked to
take on something that
sounds like a time-consuming
bore (cooking daily
meals, for example), I have
no problem begging off.
Just ask my husband — the
one with the culinary talent
and the weekly meal
plans to prove it.
So you’d think I would
have a lot of Me Time —
hours and hours to kick
back, read gossip magazines
and figure out exactly
how to apply Oprah’s vast
and infallible wisdom to my
daily existence.
You’d be wrong.
Although I have no trouble
saying No to other people,
I have yet to be able to
be so assertive with myself,
which means that I perpetually
(joyfully, excitedly)
invite far more activity into
my days than there are
hours to accommodate it.
Do I want to meet with
friends every week for knitting
and conversation? Yes.
Do I want to volunteer
for one thing or another at
my daughters’ schools? Absolutely.
Can I help a friend of a
friend’s daughter who
wants to learn more about
creative writing? You betcha.
You need help putting
out a monthly newsletter to
help your organization stay
in touch with donors?
Oooooh - me, me, me - I
know how to do that.
A puppy who needs to be
house-trained and taught
to behave? I love puppies;
I’m sure I’ll find the time
somewhere.
You know what I’ve always
wanted to do? Grow a
massive organic garden.
Sign me up.
And these two pigs we
have in the back field will
be gone by next month.
Time to start thinking
about new baby animals for
next spring. Maybe dairy
and fiber goats. We’ll make
our own cheese and I’ll
learn to spin mohair. But
first we’ll have to build our
own barn and expand the
fencing.
There’s no way that will
get in the way of my schedule
of growing my new business
and taking a half-time
load of writing-intensive
college classes.
And it will leave plenty
of time for being a parent
and a wife and a person
who wants to live in a house
that is not in danger of
health department condemnation.
These are not chores or
burdens. They’re passions
and delights.
And the notion that I
should be forced to choose
between them, limit them
or outright reject them is
unfair in the extreme.
Back in January, I decided
to focus this year’s
columns on attempts to live
more mindfully. Incredibly,
I don’t think I’m on anyone’s
short list for Bodhisattva
of the Year Award.
It’s a process. And for some
of us the process toward
more mindfulness is longer
than for others.
What I have learned is
that I am not good at saying
no to myself. Not only
do I want to have lots of experiences,
but I want to
pursue each and every one
of them as though that were
my only pursuit.
It’s not sustainable.
So I am going to learn to
apply my editor’s discipline
to my artist’s joie de vivre. I
will say yes to things that
make me happy. But I will
say yes to fewer of them.
One of the things to
which I am sadly, painfully
saying No is this very column.
I have written a
weekly column in one form
or another for various publications
for some 16 years
now. I’m not sure I know
how to not do it. But in my
effort to edit my commitments,
I must make the difficult
decision to take an
indefinite hiatus from this
column.
However, I plan to still
maintain my blog at www.
moremindfulfamily.wordpress.
com, so please go online
and have a look. You
can even sign up to get new
entries in your e-mail box
or RSS reader.
I hope you’ll find me
there, where we can go beyond
just reading and writing
and engage in conversation.
I can promise to show
up when I have something
good to share.
In the meantime, I’ll be
celebrating this Thanksgiving
with an abundance of
gratitude for all of you who
have shared a few weekly
moments with me.
Elizabeth Trever Buchinger
is so glad we had this
time together. You can continue
this conversation at
www.moremindfulfamily.
wordpress.com.
Columns
This Wonderful Life: I can say No, but I prefer Yes
- Columns
-
-
In These Otsego Hills: The losses are adding up ...
It is with sadness that we note the passing of long time friend, and distantrelative, Jane Patrick. Over the years we have worked with Jane in a number of organizations including Women’s Club and the Community Advisory Committee at Bassett. And, of course, in later years we joined her, along with the other Dinner Belles, for any number of delicious meals. But we do think that our favorite memory that we shared with Jane was when we discovered, having both married Cooperstown natives, that we shared Cooperstown Christmas plans.
Continued ... -
Up On Hawthorn Hill: Bird Feeder?
Bird feeder is a relative term. At least that is the case around here. A few mornings ago we spotted the first rabbit to visit the feeders. Normally, all we see during the winter are rabbit tracks crisscrossing the gardens.
Continued ... -
From Fly Creek: Cheers for the Blue Rabbit!
My handwriting’s always been an embarrassment. Way back in elementary school, while most of the others were developing a clear, sometimes graceful hand (especially the girls), my penmanship showed no improvement.
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: This and that ...
We have found the weather so far this year to be on the unusual side. And while we have no problem with the fact that we have received very little snow, we are of the opinion that what we have had instead is not particularly to our liking either. In fact, we are very hesitant to venture out much as we live in fear that the rain will turn to mixed precipitation which will freeze into a sheet of ice. And we are definitely opposed to encountering a sheet of ice underfoot. In fact, we are so hesitant that we now have taken to canceling our participation in events based on what just might be a dubious forecast.
Continued ... -
Book Notes: Feinstein’s latest is sheer enjoyment
Most people who follow sports have probably heard of John Feinstein. As a nationally known author, sportswriter, pundit and broadcaster, he has brought a unique angle to sports journalism. His groundbreaking book on Bobby Knight’s 1986-87 Indiana University basketball team, “A Season on the Brink,” still resonates today as an all-time classic.
Continued ... -
Book Notes: No Trekkie should miss Shatner’s books
It would be hard to find a television phenomenon as popular as “Star Trek.” Even though it was only on television for three seasons and 79 episodes (1966-69) it attracted viewers and devotees that still follow it passionately 45 years later. The fanatical supportspawned several movies and television spinoffs. Star Trek conventions continue to this day. There has never been anything like it.
Continued ... -
Up on Hawthorn Hill: Making sense of things
A book I have been reading investigates the various ways over time that we have made sense of the world. It carries the reader through to the present via several seminal classical texts and ultimately aims to suggest a strategy for “ finding meaning in a secular age.”
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: ‘Property must be secured or liberty cannot exist.’ − John Adams
Last week we were asked if we would be interested in previewing a documentary, “The Empire State Divide,”produced by the Foundation for Land & Liberty. And we were more than happy to do so as we understood the documentary dealt with the problems that continue to face family farms.
Continued ... -
From Fly Creek: Now wait a minute!
On the ninth day of Christmas, driving down Cooperstown’s Eagle Street, I saw something astounding! No, not “nineladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans” etc. I saw one jogger jogging. And puffing on a cigarette.
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: Goals of the past and goals of the future
We have long subscribed to the concept that we are always more successful if we, number one, set a goal and then, number two, meet it. And this was our thinking when we decided before Christmas to watch at least part of every college football bowl game. It was perhaps an odd, if not completely nonsensical, goal.
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: Not to our liking ...
It is with sadness that we note the recent death of Steve Nagel. The son-inlaw of our late husband’s cousins, Alice and Harvey Eckler of Fly Creek, Steve was married to the Ecklers’ oldest daughter, Gail. We had the pleasure of spending Christmas Eve with the Nagels and the Ecklers in Fly Creek, greatly enjoying the delicious food and delightful conversation.
Continued ... -
Up on Hawthorn Hill: Of birds and faith
I watch birds quite a bit. Every five days or so I send in a report to Cornell as partof its annual Project Feeder Watch program. The data, collected from volunteers from all over the country, enables scientists to track population trends. I would spend quite a bit of time checking out the visitors to our feeders anyway. Participating in the feeder program makes a personal pleasure that much more meaningful. It is rare that aesthetical and scientific endeavors work in tandem.
Continued ... -
Book Notes: Biography captures the real Stephen Colbert
It would be hard to find a comedian as unique as Stephen Colbert. As the host of “The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central he hasmanaged to leave his mark on the nation’s consciousness in both a serious and humorous sort of way. His unusual wit has allowed him to become American icon. It would be difficult to find another entertainer quite like him.
Continued ... -
From Fly Creek: Christmas and varied blessings
I’m still astounded! The last farmers’ market before Christmas, I was sitting up front, directly under the ceiling heater, shmoozing with the hoi-polloi. (That’s an awkward linguistic mix,but let’s let it go.) As I sipped my hot coffee, a gloved hand came to rest on my shoulder and a warm voice said, “Merry Christmas, Jim.” I looked to my left—it was Santa Claus!
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: Always a learning experience ...
We must admit that we thoroughly enjoyed our 2011 Christmas celebration. We partook of Christmas Eve dinner at the home of Alice and Harvey Eckler of Fly Creek and Christmas Day dinner at the home of Sandy and Al Bullard of Milford. We had our usual Christmas Day brunch at home on Pioneer Street, although we must admit it was a tad bit later than usual as, what we enjoyed most about Christmas, namely our granddaughter Abby, took a great deal of time opening her Christmas presents.
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: Coming up ... 2012
Difficult as it seems, 2011 is fast coming to an end. And it is always our hope that as a year draws to a close, the issues which have been in the forefront during the year will be resolved. Unfortunately, we suspect that will not be the case this year. Instead, we are fairly certain that many of the issues that plagued this year, will continue to plague next year. Thus we will find ourselves still musing about the same issues we have spent time with already. And while we have not come toany conclusions about many of the issues, we do think they would all likely benefit from both sides thinking critically about perspective, risk assessment and possible solutions.
Continued ... -
Up on Hawthorn Hill: Circularity
When she was a puppy my dog Gabby would run in what I described then as “circles of joy.” She celebrated her15th birthday a few weeks ago and despite the inevitable frailties that old age imposes upon all of us, she is doing pretty well.
Continued ... -
Book Notes: Grisham doesn’t disappoint
John Grisham is one of this country’s most popular authors. Every time he publishes a book it’s an instant best-seller. He appeared on the scene about 20 years ago with his tense legal thrillers, “A Time to Kill” and “The Firm,”and hasn’t stopped producing top-notch novels since.
Continued ... -
From Fly Creek: Still singing, beyond our hearing
This column from Christmas 2001 still speaks deeply to me, and perhaps will to you, too. Take it, please, as my Christmas gift.
Continued ... -
In These Otsego Hills: The 2011 Cooperstown Carol
Since 1984, with the exception of one year, 1999, we have looked forward at the end of the year to going through all the issues of the paper in order to glean those news items which have been worthy of note throughout the year and which should make their way into our annual Cooperstown Carol.
Continued ...
-
In These Otsego Hills: The losses are adding up ...
