COOPERSTOWN —
I guess we can stand it, friends: only about a thousand more hours till Election Day. Finally the air will clear somewhat of all the rant, cant, and mud slinging that’s polluted it for — how long? — ever since the last national election. Enough! I’m choking on smarmy, mean-souled stuff; and I’ll bet you are, too.
My tipping point came this last week. I read a short column that had me ready to stand in Fly Creek’s four corners, pounding my head (I can’t tear at my hair, having next to none), and screaming, “I’m mad as hell, and I won’t take any more!”
The column was short, and by a national columnist whose intellect, education and experience I greatly respect. But, by damn, the bozo so patronized and abused his readership with twisted rhetoric that I was enraged. His headline read: “Four more years could mean $8 gas.”
There’s a scare tactic, to start with; one that plays to everybody’s anxiety without really saying anything. (Four more years, after all, COULD bring anything: $8 gas, $16 gas, $3 gas, or a glut so big that it’s even cheaper. It’s the “could,” you see, that is meant to tap our unfocused fears.) And the rest of the column’s opening does the same and worse:
“So there I am, pulling into a gas station in my town. And Tarek is smiling. He owns the station, and right now he’s charging me $4.25 a gallon. American motorists may not be better off than they were four years ago, but Tarek certainly is.”
OK, let’s start at the top. Here’s Bill O’Reilly, wildly successful columnist/millionaire, a man who can wrap abstruse thought in brilliant language, affecting a hometown tone to dupe all us Joes and Janes who live in such places. And it’s “my town” mind you, so easily and warmly associated with “Our Town,” with everybody’s town and with the down-home values we Joes and Janes hold dear.
But wait! The gas station in Bill’s town is owned by somebody named Tarek, and he’s charging Bill $4.25 a gallon. The guy could be named Stan or Fred, but you know why Bill’s named him Tarek. It’s the lead-in to his next sentence: “American motorists [never mind that Tarek is likely an American citizen — maybe a second- or third-generation one] may not be better off than they were four years ago, but Tarek certainly is.”
Hey, Bill! You surely see how deliberately slanted that paragraph is, how patent is its play on a mindless stereotype (weren’t we to imagine turbaned Tarek, grinning through a black beard?) You’ve got to know how absurdly skewed it is from the facts!
Willie boy, your gas man Tarek is not reaping huge profits from you. (And if that’s really his name, you’d better buy your gas elsewhere or send a chauffeur to it.) Tarek has to raise prices because he’s being gouged by callous forces outside and above him: oil behemoths that watch for excuses to up the prices — you say so yourself, Bill, two paragraphs farther on! If anything, Tarek suffers when gas skyrockets and his slim profit-per-gallon remains the same. Fewer gallons are sold, and Tarek’s part in the American dream suffers proportionately.
But we’re not the think of that. We supposed to stick with that caricature Arab clutching the gas nozzle and smiling evilly.
Then, Billy, come a few paragraphs of pro form a president-bashing, blaming the administration just as much as big oil. “Obama is a green guy” [effective if shameless double-duty slur: inexperienced, and a tree-hugger, to boot!], and he thwarts growth projects and wastes money on alternative energy.
And toward the end comes another presumption of gut response from us ordinary types:
“A few people [not our type] are riding around in electric cars — something that infuriates Tarek — but not many.” (Damn that evil, greedy Tarek!) “Those automobiles are generally expensive, and the plug-in stuff is complicated.” Another attempt to talk our talk: “plug-in stuff,” nothing we ordinary types would waste time or money on.
And then you wind up, Bill, with a couple of boogieman zingers: Probably you don’t want to risk “electrocution is a rainstorm while firing up a Prius. . .” And your climax: Be ready for another, worse explosion: “If Israel attacks Iran over nukes. . . $8 a gallon? Could happen.”
Again, “could.” It’s a favorite word of fear-mongers.
Oh, Bill! Bill! How can you debase your talents to produce such dreck? I know the education you had at Chaminade High School and Marist College. I know the fine brothers teaching at both places assured that you got strong doses of rhetoric and ethics as part of a tough curriculum. How they must blush to read some of your stuff!
I had exactly your kind of education, Bill — from the La Salle Christian Brothers. (We’re also about the same age and, to judge from TV, in the same jowly weight class.) I know those teaching monks presented you the principles of rhetoric, of effective speech. And I know that your ethics profs, like mine, disabused you of the childishly selfish dictum, “The end justifies the means.”
You got the rhetoric part, old pal, though you seemed to have missed out on Aristotle’s warning that persuasive speech can be used perversely as well as for good. And somehow you got ends and means all balled up, with twisted rhetoric justified in your mind by any “good” you’re out to achieve.
If any of those good old monks who taught you are now dead, I hope they aren’t haunting you, Bill.
Though maybe that might help.
Columns
The haunting of Bill O'Reilly
- Columns
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Passing along advice of seeing the humor
The best advice given to me many years ago when I started teaching had nothing to do with my discipline, English. Rather, a former mentor insisted on the necessity of having a sense of humor
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The week that was ...
For a number of years now, we have not been in Cooperstown for the spring season. And we must admit that we had quite forgotten what it is like. But since we decided that travel was not on the docket for this year, we have become reacquainted with the Cooperstown spring. And we must say we rather enjoyed it with the possible exception of occasional uncalled for snow and seemingly frigid temperatures.
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Local Voices From Around the Globe: Mother's visit was a benchmark for this year
Last week, my mother made the 25-hour plane trip out to Thailand to visit her son, me, after nine months of having only choppy Skype sessions and scattered emails to give her an idea of what I look and act like since having left home last August.
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Local Voices From Around the Globe: World traveler calls Euro-Tour experience of a lifetime
While I've had a great time throughout my entire exchange, I can say hands down that the month of April brought me the best memories of my exchange if not some of the best of my entire life. What kind of wonder would bring me to say this? Simple. Euro-Tour.
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Maryland port attacked
Havre de Grace, May 3. "This morning, a little after the break of day, a British armed force, under cover of armed vessels which anchored in front of this town ... landed below a small breast work which had been roughly thrown up, and in which were one 9 and two 4 pounders, manned by 50 militia.
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Memoir reflects on 'roller-coaster life and career'
Apparently, the third time wasn't the charm. The way Reynolds described him, the third husband was worse than the first two combined and that's saying a lot. Eddie Fisher literally walked away from Reynolds and their two infant children to chase a sex goddess. At least he got his just desserts when Elizabeth Taylor tossed him aside for Richard Burton.
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Imagine what might have been ...
A while back we got a telephone call from a reader of this column wanting to know why we had not written a column in support of Otsego Manor continuing to be owned and operated by Otsego County. And even though we have followed the debate over this issue in the newspaper, we readily admitted we did not feel we knew enough about the situation to take a stand.
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Herpes virus brings harness racing to a halt
I've been going to harness horse race tracks my entire life. My family has been in the business for years.
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Time, if not traffic, moves on ...
It is with sadness we note the passing of two people who we have known since moving to Cooperstown in 1982.
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Canadian capital captured
Dear Sir, I have just returned from Fort Niagara, where I saw a Captain of the United States' navy. He is just from little York, the capital of Upper Canada, and gives the following account, which is confirmed in official dispatches from Gen. Dearborn to Gen. Lewis ...
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Local Voices From Around The Globe: Exchange is like a life in a year
All exchange students realize the credibility of this statement. Like all lives no exchange is the same, all are incredible unique exchanges. The metaphor of life, from baby to old age, extends to every part of the exchange.
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Movie depicting legendary Jackie Robinson does not disappoint
Going to the movies is not something I do often. I can count the number of times I have gone on my fingers, unless you include trips to the drive-in. And even so, it took me years before I made it to one of those -- going for the first time two summers ago.
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'Dubious' about weather, Hawkeyes 'suitable' nickname
Unfortunately, it seems to us that this spring has, thus far, been anything but spring like. In fact, we are still more than happy to stay bundled up in our polar fleece.
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'Who's on Worst?' reveals the ugly in baseball
The Baseball Hall of Fame celebrates the greatest players, managers and owners from our national pastime. Any of us who have watched Major League baseball have inevitably seen some of these immortals practicing their craft. But we have also likely witnessed a sample of their opposite brethren, players who shouldn't have been in the Major Leagues. Has there ever been a definitive source that "celebrates" the non-accomplishments of the worst that Major League baseball has to offer?
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Swallow talk and bluebird vigilance
I assume the swallows have returned to Capistrano. They have returned to Hawthorn Hill as well.
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Local Voices From Around the Globe: Life in Hungry has taken a turn for the better
I can truthfully say spring has finally arrived in Hungary. It's almost time to wear shorts and sandals, for summer will be just around the corner. This brings me great happiness and great sadness, my adventure is coming to a close. Really what a time it was, I don't think I can compare it to anything else.
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The importance of speaking up ...
Over the years we have come to understand that, in writing a weekly column, it is not possible to always please everyone. And such was the case with our column that ran at the end of March in which we wrote about our experience as in inpatient following a total hip replacement.
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Public schools created
The Common School Act of 1812 marked the start of New York's public school system. Much of the credit for this was due to the radical Otsego County politician Jedediah Peck (1747-1821). To quote the NY Education Department:
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Book takes readers on path for equal rights
One of the most troubling aspects of our history is race relations. It takes a long time to achieve true equality in a society when the heritage of one ethnic group is slavery and Jim Crow laws. Even today African Americans are more likely to be stereotyped as athletes than doctors, lawyers or entrepreneurs. The path to a "color-blind" nation is still a work in progress.
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Local Voices From Around the Globe: Experiencing India at every new turn
Come, sit down. Hold this and, wait ... ah, there you go. Obeying these commands, I found myself seated on the pavement, wearing a turban and attempting to make sounds out of a recorder-like instrument for the black cobras in the baskets not two feet away from me.
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Passing along advice of seeing the humor

