That’s not a bruise
on my forehead
Five years ago, on Fat
Tuesday, a Florida doctor
who was not particularly
good and not particularly
nice saved my life.
Whether through an
abundance of caution or an
abundance of pressure to
schedule pricey procedures
(I know — that kind of
thing NEVER happens), he
had looked at my history of
childhood kidney troubles
and ordered a CT scan just
to be sure my UTI wasn’t
significant of something
more ominous.
On Mardi Gras, as the
costumed revelers were
gathering in bourbonsoaked
living rooms across
town to prepare for the evenings
festivities, I sat in his
office as he read the results,
which described a grapefruit-
sized mass in the general
area where my right
ovary should have been.
``What is it?’’ I asked.
He looked at me as
though I were an idiot,
``Well I can’t tell you
THAT.’’
``How will I know?’’
``Obviously you have to
have surgery as soon as
possible.’’
It’s funny, but I do not
remember this story in
terms of calendar dates,
but rather the dates of the
church calendar.
I got my test results on
Mardi Gras, I had my surgery
the day after the fifth
Sunday in Lent. I left the
hospital on Palm Sunday.
My mother died on Maundy
Thursday. It was the worst
Good Friday I had ever experienced
(with apologies
to everyone who went
through, you know, THE
FIRST Good Friday).
On Easter, my house
was full of mourners.
It is impossible for me to
resist the urge to observe
this season as anything but
a prayer of gratitude for the
wilderness I had the good
fortune to traverse then.
To be sure, I was not
grateful at the time. When
you are 34 and hearing that
you may have metastatic
ovarian cancer (not the
most sunny diagnosis), but
that you’ll have to wait until
surgery to know for sure,
every moment that ticks by
is crushing.
Knowing that you are
fighting for your life is hard.
The next hardest thing is
waiting to find out whether
you’re fighting for your life.
For me, it lasted a little
shy of 40 days and 40
nights.
The days were filled
with insulting, dehumanizing
and sometimes humiliating
tests. They were filled
with friends who cheered
me by saying ``I have a good
feeling.’’
And by friends who said,
``No matter what happens,
you’re strong enough to
handle anything.’’
And by friends who committed
to stick with me
through whatever revealed
itself.
The nights were filled
with nervous prayer, fitful
sleep and many, many
hours of numb, sleepless silence.
One afternoon, while sitting
on my porch giving the
latest update to a good
friend who also happens to
be a priest, I said, ``If I just
knew what I’m facing. If I
just knew, it would be so
much easier.’’
She sort of laughed, softly.
``These are wilderness
times,’’ she said. ``We don’t
have the luxury of knowing
how they’ll turn out.’’
Five years away from
that conversation, I do
know how that particular
thing worked out, and I’m
grateful for it. But I am
even more grateful for the
weeks spent in the wilderness.
That time was an incredible
gift that changed me in
ways I would never want to
lose.
Life is full of long walks
through the wilderness. Financial
hardships, health
crises, job woes, heartbreak,
grief and loss.
Rather than entering
this season with a spirit of
self-denial and flagellation,
I am going to enter it with a
quiet spirit of gratitude for
all the past, present and future
hours spent in the wilderness
and the irreplaceable
things learned there.
Elizabeth Trever Buchinger
came from dust and to
dust she shall return. You
can connect with her on her
website at www.moremindfulfamily.
wordpress.com,
or email her at
VillageWordsmith@gmail.
com.
Columns
This Wonderful Life
- Columns
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Attack on Sacket's Harbor
Sacket's Harbor, near the beginning of the St. Lawrence River from Lake Ontario, was the principal American naval base on Lake Ontario during the War of 1812.
Continued ... -
Once again, hope springs eternal ...
We are happy to report that although Mother Nature did her best to thwart the annual Upper Pioneer Street Block Party, she was not successful.
Continued ... -
Local performs costumed recitations of Casey at the Bat
Since 1996, I have had the privilege of doing costumed recitations of Casey at the Bat as part of my job at the Baseball Hall of Fame. I’ve performed the poem an estimated 2,000 times in 22 states, at ballparks, conferences, classrooms, Hall of Fame Induction ceremonies, weddings and other events.
Continued ... -
E-readers come in handy when traveling
I recently took a trip to California and it was the perfect time to make use of my e-reader. While I'm still devoted to actual books, I must admit that traveling with a thin, lightweight computerized device beats dragging along one or two bulky hard copy titles. The only issue is finding the right e-books to take on the airplane
Continued ... -
Local Voices From Around the Globe: Arriving at the last bend in the River
The month of May is the height of the summer in India, a time best spent indoors with a good book and a sliced mango for company.
Continued ... -
Cooperstown election and law
On Tuesday the 18th inst. [May], the following persons were elected officers for this village for the ensuing year: --
Continued ... -
Local Voices From Around the Globe: Exchange has taught me to love my flaws
Hello from Germany! I'm currently on my second Euro Tour visiting and exploring most of Europe.
Continued ... -
Passing along advice of seeing the humor
The best advice given to me many years ago when I started teaching had nothing to do with my discipline, English. Rather, a former mentor insisted on the necessity of having a sense of humor
Continued ... -
The week that was ...
For a number of years now, we have not been in Cooperstown for the spring season. And we must admit that we had quite forgotten what it is like. But since we decided that travel was not on the docket for this year, we have become reacquainted with the Cooperstown spring. And we must say we rather enjoyed it with the possible exception of occasional uncalled for snow and seemingly frigid temperatures.
Continued ... -
Local Voices From Around the Globe: Mother's visit was a benchmark for this year
Last week, my mother made the 25-hour plane trip out to Thailand to visit her son, me, after nine months of having only choppy Skype sessions and scattered emails to give her an idea of what I look and act like since having left home last August.
Continued ... -
Local Voices From Around the Globe: World traveler calls Euro-Tour experience of a lifetime
While I've had a great time throughout my entire exchange, I can say hands down that the month of April brought me the best memories of my exchange if not some of the best of my entire life. What kind of wonder would bring me to say this? Simple. Euro-Tour.
Continued ... -
Maryland port attacked
Havre de Grace, May 3. "This morning, a little after the break of day, a British armed force, under cover of armed vessels which anchored in front of this town ... landed below a small breast work which had been roughly thrown up, and in which were one 9 and two 4 pounders, manned by 50 militia.
Continued ... -
Memoir reflects on 'roller-coaster life and career'
Apparently, the third time wasn't the charm. The way Reynolds described him, the third husband was worse than the first two combined and that's saying a lot. Eddie Fisher literally walked away from Reynolds and their two infant children to chase a sex goddess. At least he got his just desserts when Elizabeth Taylor tossed him aside for Richard Burton.
Continued ... -
Imagine what might have been ...
A while back we got a telephone call from a reader of this column wanting to know why we had not written a column in support of Otsego Manor continuing to be owned and operated by Otsego County. And even though we have followed the debate over this issue in the newspaper, we readily admitted we did not feel we knew enough about the situation to take a stand.
Continued ... -
Herpes virus brings harness racing to a halt
I've been going to harness horse race tracks my entire life. My family has been in the business for years.
Continued ... -
Time, if not traffic, moves on ...
It is with sadness we note the passing of two people who we have known since moving to Cooperstown in 1982.
Continued ... -
Canadian capital captured
Dear Sir, I have just returned from Fort Niagara, where I saw a Captain of the United States' navy. He is just from little York, the capital of Upper Canada, and gives the following account, which is confirmed in official dispatches from Gen. Dearborn to Gen. Lewis ...
Continued ... -
Local Voices From Around The Globe: Exchange is like a life in a year
All exchange students realize the credibility of this statement. Like all lives no exchange is the same, all are incredible unique exchanges. The metaphor of life, from baby to old age, extends to every part of the exchange.
Continued ... -
Movie depicting legendary Jackie Robinson does not disappoint
Going to the movies is not something I do often. I can count the number of times I have gone on my fingers, unless you include trips to the drive-in. And even so, it took me years before I made it to one of those -- going for the first time two summers ago.
Continued ... -
'Dubious' about weather, Hawkeyes 'suitable' nickname
Unfortunately, it seems to us that this spring has, thus far, been anything but spring like. In fact, we are still more than happy to stay bundled up in our polar fleece.
Continued ...
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Attack on Sacket's Harbor
